Telling People About Your Plan

You have chosen your people, written down what you want, and put your documents in order. There is one step left, and it is the one most people put off.

You have to tell them.

A plan nobody knows about does not work. Your attorney cannot act if they do not know they are your attorney. Your executor cannot find a will nobody mentioned. And your family cannot accept arrangements they only discover at the worst possible moment.

This guide covers who to tell, what each of them needs to know, and how to have the conversation.

Different people need different things

Not everyone needs to know everything. The point is to give the right information to the right person.

Your attorney — money and property

Tell them now:

• that you have appointed them in your Enduring Power of Attorney
• what you are expecting of them, in general terms
• that your Master List exists, and exactly where to find it

They do not need: your passwords, your account numbers, or access to your money.

An attorney never acts by using your login or your card. When the time comes, they go to the bank with the Power of Attorney and their own identification, and the bank gives them access in their own name. Your passwords would be no use to them — and sharing them usually breaches the terms of your account.

What you are giving them today is knowledge, not access.

Your guardian — health and lifestyle

This is a different kind of conversation. Your attorney needs to know where to find things. Your guardian needs to know what you would want.

Tell them now:

• that you have appointed them as your Enduring Guardian
• what matters to you about your care, and about where you live
• whether you have written an Advance Care Directive, and how they can see it
• that their authority begins only when you are no longer able to decide for yourself

You cannot anticipate every decision they might face, and you should not try. What helps them is understanding how you think — what you would put up with, what you would not, and what a good day looks like to you. On the day they have to decide something you never discussed, that understanding is all they will have to go on.

Your executor — your will

Tell them now:

• that you have named them as executor
• where the original will is kept
• that your Master List exists, and will help them when the time comes

One thing worth saying out loud: an executor’s job begins only after you die. People often assume being named executor means they can help with your affairs while you are alive, and it does not. If you want that help when you are alive, that is a Power of Attorney, and it is a different person’s job unless you have appointed the same person to both.

Your close family

Tell them now:

• who you have appointed as your attorney, who as your guardian, and who as your executor

That is the whole message, and it is more important than it sounds. Three roles, and the family should know all three — including where one person holds more than one of them.

They do not need details about your money. There is nothing secret in your Master List — it records where things are, not what anything is worth, so it is not a document you need to keep from anybody. But what helps your family here is knowing who is accountable, not knowing what you have.

When they hear it from you, early and calmly, it becomes simply how things are arranged — something the whole family knows and can get behind. Everyone knows who to turn to, and the person helping you has their support rather than their questions. One short conversation is what buys you that.

How to have the conversation

It can feel like a big thing to raise. It does not have to be.

Pick a calm moment. Not a birthday, not a crisis, not the end of a long lunch. A quiet afternoon when nobody is rushing off.

Be direct, and be positive. You are not delivering bad news. You might start with something like: “I’ve done some planning to make things easier for everyone later on, and there’s a role I’m hoping you’ll take on.”

With your attorney and executor, talk about where, not what. They need to know where to find things. They do not need to be walked through every account. Keep it to the map.

With your guardian, it is the opposite. There is no map for what you would want. That conversation is the whole point, and it is worth more than any document you could hand them.

Then listen. They may have questions, or need a moment with the weight of it. Give them the space to say yes properly — or to say no, which is far better heard now than discovered later.

Nobody should learn they are your attorney by being handed a form. If the conversation has not happened, the appointment is not finished.

A letter to go with it

Consider writing a short letter to each of the people you have appointed, and keeping it with your Master List.

It is not a legal document and it is not binding. It is a personal note, in your own words, that tells them what matters to you. Something like:

To my attorney — thank you for taking this on. My main concern is that there is always enough to cover my care, and that my yearly donation to the surf club keeps going.

People who have had to act for a parent often say this is the thing they were most grateful for. The legal documents tell them what they are allowed to do. The letter tells them what you would have wanted — which is the question they will actually be asking themselves at the time.

Before you call this done

• Have you spoken to your attorney, and have they agreed?
• Have you spoken to your guardian, and do they understand what matters to you?
• Have you spoken to your executor, and have they agreed?
• Does your family know who you have appointed to all three roles?
• Do your attorney and executor know where to find your Master List and your original will?
• Is your Master List somewhere they can actually get to — not a safe deposit box only you can open?

If you can answer yes to all six, your plan is no longer just on paper. It is in place.