Choosing Someone to Help With Your Money

Being in control of your own money is a big part of living with dignity. Getting help when you need it does not mean giving that up — done properly, it is how you keep it.

This guide is about choosing the right person. What you then ask of them is covered in our guide on setting clear rules for your supporters.

Two different kinds of help

These get muddled, and the difference matters.

A supporter sits with you and looks at things with you. They might go through the bank statement, help you ring the power company, or be a second pair of eyes on a bill that looks wrong. You make every decision. There is no paperwork and nothing to sign.

An attorney is different. Under a legal document called a Power of Attorney, this person can make financial decisions for you. It is a serious step with real legal weight, and it is covered in our guide on getting your legal documents in order.

Most people want the first kind of help long before they need the second. You do not have to do both at once.

Choosing the right person

Whichever kind of help you are arranging, the questions are the same.

• Do I trust this person?
• Are they sensible with their own money?
• Do they listen to me, and respect my wishes even when they disagree?
• Do they understand they have to act in my best interest, not their own? For an attorney this is a legal duty, not a matter of goodwill. For a supporter it is the expectation you are setting. Either way, it is worth hearing them say it.
• Would they stand up to other people in the family? Whoever helps you may come under pressure from someone else. They need to be able to say no.

You might choose an adult child, a close friend, or a sibling. It is a big decision, so take your time.

When does an attorney step in?

You are in charge of your own money for as long as you are able.

When an attorney’s power actually begins depends on what your document says. Some start the moment you sign. Some start only when a doctor assesses that you can no longer make decisions yourself. Yours may already be active. If you are not certain which kind you have, ask the solicitor who drew it up, or read the document itself.

Our guide on setting clear rules for your supporters covers this in more detail, for health as well as money.

Keeping it a help, not a handover

Your supporter is there to help you, not to take over. Agree these things early, at the height of your confidence.

• A second pair of eyes. Ask them to sit with you once a month or a quarter and look over the bank statement together. You both spot surprises.
• Help me check, don’t take over. Say it plainly: “I’d love you to help me check my bills, but I will still be the one who pays them.”
• Never use a joint account for this. It looks like an easy way to give someone access, but in a joint account the other person owns the money as much as you do and can withdraw all of it at any time, lawfully. There is no getting it back. An account in your own name that someone can reach when needed is a different thing, and a safer one.
• Review it every six months. Check you are both still comfortable with how it is working. Things change.

Preparing for an emergency

Everything above assumes you are there to be asked. The reason to prepare is the day you are not — you are in hospital, or unwell enough that you cannot tell anyone where anything is.

On that day, the people helping you will be searching. Which bank holds the mortgage. Who the insurer is. Whether there is a second account. Where the will and the Power of Attorney are kept. Who your solicitor is. Every hour of that searching is an hour not spent on you, and it happens at the worst possible time.

A Master List is how you spare them that. It is one document that says where everything is — the institutions, the policies, the paperwork, the professionals. Write it once, tell your supporters where it is kept, and look over it when you review everything else.

It is a map, not a set of keys. Never write passwords or PINs in that list, or anywhere alongside it. Knowing where something is and being able to get into it are two different things, and they should stay that way. Access comes from a Power of Attorney, once it has been triggered and is in operation — that is the document that lets someone act for you, and the list is only what tells them where to start.

If you feel uncomfortable

If you ever feel pressured, or that your wishes are not being respected, remember that you are the one in charge.

• You can change your mind and choose someone else.
• If you are worried, call 1800 ELDERHelp (1800 353 374) — free, private, and they will talk it through with you.
• Never feel guilty about protecting yourself and your money.